That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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