wrigley field is MILF paradise
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
