Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
