I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize