I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
