Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
