is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
