According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize