You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
