so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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