Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
