I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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