I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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