Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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