Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
