In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
