I want to have your abortion
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
