used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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