Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
