Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
