the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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