dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
