ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am available for nakedness
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
