If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
