maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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