I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
