There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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