We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
