Jerry, you need to find god
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Two words: blizzard sex
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
