heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
