coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
