And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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