i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
