So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
