Yo dont text me then not text me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
