Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
