she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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