It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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