just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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