ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
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The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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