He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
