Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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