Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
