I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
