you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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