True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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