He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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