i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
