Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
