I hate all girls vehemently.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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