are you still at the devil's house?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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