Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
