are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
