drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
we're so committed to being not committed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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