Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
