I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
