Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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