I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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