Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
