she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
