Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
