So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize