Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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