dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
