Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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