you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
