he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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