i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
