everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
