So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
