awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
