The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
