he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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