We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
