It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
