It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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