no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
