if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
