You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
